Good morning and Happy Friday!
What’s the plan for the weekend?!
I cannot believe it’s the second week of August. As they say, summer really flies… especially after July 4th, I feel.
I hope you’ve been having an awesome summer. I’ve gotta say—mine’s been super fun so far!
Lately, I’ve been really into reading inspirational articles, stories, and listening to podcasts before bed, like Lewis Howes’ The School of Greatness.
I was reading an article the other day that really struck a chord with me and I figured this would be a nice topic for today’s post. You can read the full post by Derek Harvey here if you’d like to get a basis for what I’m about to dive into.
What’s the thing hurting most relationships (intimate, working, friendly, platonic)? Unmet expectations.
Ah hah. I couldn’t have said it better.
This really clicked because… I don’t know about you, but having high expectations and then being let down is a soul crushing feeling.
Think about it:
Whether it’s a relationship with your sibling, a close friend, or a spouse… we constantly have expectations for how we hope that person will behave and/or how they might react/speak/listen/feel.
We just can’t help to have these preconceived ideas as we base our understandings of them over time, experiences, and situations.
So then, when that person goes about things in a different way, we may feel let down/disappointed because our ideas didn’t go as planned.
Here are a few examples:
– Your sibling promised you they’d hang out this weekend but then they ditch you at the last minute. You had expectations of having a fun night together but now you’re left
– Your friend said they’d bring over an amazing dessert for your party so you decide not to make anything sweet. Then they arrive empty-handed and you realize you have no after-dinner snack to serve your guests. You had expectations of a dish they’d bring but now you are left stranded.
– Your boyfriend promised he would start dinner so when you got out of work you’d have a hot meal waiting at home, but when you arrive, you notice he’s got his feet kicked up watching TV. You had expected a hot meal but now there’s another hour between you and dinnertime.
I love Sam, my friends, and family to death but of course, there have been some times where I have felt let down by their actions. I never feel that their behavior is intentional, though. It just happens.
Expectations can be tricky because, while it’s great to hold people to certain standards, one can often feel stumped when their visions don’t become a reality.
This rings so true in my own life.
I think, for me, it just traces back to the way I was raised and how my family has always really kept their word on things. They’ve really molded me to set high expectations and to hold people to high standards.
But, some people—surprisingly, most people—don’t always feel the urge to keep their word or to behave as you’d like them to.. or maybe they forgot.. or maybe something came up… or maybe they’re not perfect…
See where I’m going with this?
No one’s perfect. Expectations are visions we paint in our minds. Expectations are what we see and hope our moments unfold to be.
Just something to think about as you cultivate and explore the relationships in your own life.
It’s these kinds of unmet expectations we put on people that end up setting us back.
Let’s re-evaluate how we go about judging others and realize that “going with the flow” is better for you, them, and all involved. Like I said, it’s a daily practice that you’ll have to work at (me, included), but it’s gonna be well worth the work.
Have you ever dealt with unmet expectations with a relationship in your life? How did you deal with it?
Would love to hear your thoughts!
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