The Most Unexpected New Year’s Morning

I’ve been feeling a little stuck lately in my thoughts. Feeling a bit of sadness in my heart.

Before you “Awww, Ari”…. it’s okay. I’m okay.

While I often turn to blogging to share “the good” in my life and act as a source of inspiration and hope for my readers, I will always be honest and open when things aren’t as peachy. Life is, after all, a blend of both — right?

January has been a heavy month. I’ve tried to find the right words and right ways to express myself as to why, and I just keep coming back to writing it out as a means of great catharsis.

I was feeling the normal lull after the holiday rush. You know the feeling, I’m sure. The Christmas tree comes down, holiday cards covered in familiar faces get put away, and regular routines start to pick back up. I, for the most part, was okay with all this. I was ready for the new year. I’ve always sort of liked the freshness of it.

I even picked my 2023 theme — confidence. I’ve always considered myself an outgoing, happy, positive person, but was I… confident? 🤔 It became apparent that I needed to put some extra attention on my self-assuredness in relationships, the workplace and my (very) small and (somewhat) new business. I could be the sturdy leader I knew I was meant to be.

New Year’s Morning

Anyway, back to January…

It started so abruptly and with a vision I still can’t seem to shake from my brain. I learned of my neighbor’s sudden passing in a really heart-wrenching way. I was the first person his wife told, moments after it happened.

Since that event on New Year’s morning at 8am, things have been really challenging for me. It has stayed with me and has flickered across my mind many times, every day.

You may have heard me talk about this neighbor before. He was elderly, very kind and generous, and welcomed us so nicely into the neighborhood during the summer of 2021. He lived in Holden for over 40 years, and knew just about everything about our new town. He was a marine, a photographer, designer, and SUPER smart. I always left our conversations a little more enlightened than before.

He became our go-to and was just a call or email away. And, yes, we would email pretty regularly. 😅

I’d love to share some of my fondest lines/memories of him now (mainly as a way for me to cope with all this…. thanks in advance for reading):
- “Come over. I got some really nice wooden blocks for Henry at the recycling center. They’re basically brand new. They’re too heavy to carry over, so come this way.”
- He found a chair for our porch.
- “Pick out a worry doll and take it home. Oh, and here’s a sheet telling you all about the story of them.”
- “I made some cranberry sauce, if you want to come and grab some.” (A Thanksgiving staple)
- He sent me emails about what it meant to be a leader vs. a manger. Very eye-opening.
- “We have too much rhubarb. Come pick some.”
- “Your rhubarb tart was one of the best I’ve ever had.” ☺️ -his wife, Nancy
- "Your dad may seem ordinary to you. But he’s exceptional, really.” -after he found and read my dad’s resume online, Lol!!
- “Have you been to Eagle Lake? It’s very nice. You should take Henry to see it.”
- “Oh come here.” He starts taking photos of the kids during our family walk. Later, he emails them to me. (You can see them at the end of this blog.)
- We brought them Thanksgiving food after our party (after we heard they were just having a quiet meal alone) and the look on their faces at the door was so sweet. They were really touched by that. They must have thanked us three times. He emailed me after to thank us again and added, “What was that creamy dish?” I said, “Creamed onion?” And he said, “Yes, that. Never had that. Very good.”
- An adorable outfit from Gap for Ruby after she was born
- I spent about 30 minutes in their living room once (it was SO hot with their fire blazing 🥵) and he asked me, “What do you see yourself doing? What do you really want to do?” I explained The Good Getter/yoga/wellness, as best I could haha,... all the stuff I love and how I’m trying to take it to the next level. He said, “You have the right attitude about it and I can tell you want to do it but… you lack the confidence.” Ouch, lol, but true? He always kept it so real with me. It kind of stung in the moment. But, I need that sometimes.
- And lastly, Christmas gifts for Ruby and Henry on our steps the day before he died. That was hits me hard. It was his last goodbye. We were on his mind the day before. Chills.

I guess I didn’t realize the impact he had on me in such a short amount of time. (We’ve only lived here for 1.5 years.) And, his unexpected passing had made it that much harder.

What Has Helped
Gratitude has gotten me through this month. Reading. Journaling. Working full time (hah… hellooooo distraction). That and 30-days of Yoga with Adriene. Oh, and cutting back to one cup of coffee a day so I’m less anxious. AND, therapy to talk about coping with my post traumatic response to his death on New Year’s day.

I’m just trying my best to work on my processing of this all. This is new territory for me. I’ve never lost someone I know in this way.

I’ve had some really meaningful conversations with close friends about this incident and one said something that really has helped — “I was a bright spot in his last chapter of life.” I guess I was. He was always connecting with me/us and must have felt a great sense of comfort and joy around our family. That feels good.

Well, how do I move forward? How do I get back into a positive, feel-good headspace again? All I can say is, it’s a daily practice. Working out helps. Laughter. Being with Sam and the kids. DISTRACTION. Talking about my feelings.

I just want to add, if you’re having a tough January too, you’re so not alone. I’m here for you. I really do value my support system so much — family, friends, coworkers, TGG community…. you all play such a big part in bringing me joy and back to my core values again, and again, and again. Thank you.

This was just the release I needed.

I’ll always come back to writing when the going gets tough.

Have you ever lost someone you felt connected to very unexpectedly? How did you grieve and how did you cope?

-Ari